“I want to tell my story and I want to be honest,” Royal Thunder singer/bassist Mlny Parsons says after I offer her the opportunity to tell me if there’s anything she’d rather keep private from the hour-long conversation we have. “My father killed himself in 2017. He overdosed and I still haven’t dealt with it. I haven’t really touched that. I forgave. I get it – mental health, life falling apart, addiction.” Parsons shares this story, as well as revealing her own struggles with addiction and how she’s come through on the other side, in hopes that other people who are experiencing similar issues don’t feel so alone. While those addictions were present during the making of Royal Thunder’s fourth album, Rebuilding the Mountain, Parsons says she considers February 1, 2023 to be the start of a new, positive chapter in her life. As with most of us, the pandemic had some negative mental health side effects on Parsons and her bandmate, and ex-husband, guitarist Josh Weaver. The two had been slumbering along with fill-in drummers after Evan Diprima left suddenly while on tour in 2018 and, while battling their own demons, were reaching a crossroads in their musical career when they were hit with another blow – a global pandemic. If there’s a silver lining for Royal Thunder, it’s that Diprima came back to the band and the reunion inspired the trio to start working on new material.
2020 happens and we’re all in a bad place – the country, the world, politics, Covid. Had you started working on new music?
MLNY: It’s weird how quick we are to punish ourselves when we lose something. I don’t know what’s in that. I went through a thing where I didn’t want to hear music. I didn’t care if there was something brand new that came out and everybody was like, “Have you heard it?” and I was like, “No, and I don’t care. I don’t want to hear it. I don’t care about my favorite album that I’ve been listening to since 1992.” I didn’t enjoy anything. I was very suicidal, depressed, confused. I felt just naked as fuck and ugly inside and I didn’t have an outlet or anything. It was not a good time. I threw myself at self destruction. I was just like, “I’m going to fucking hide. I’m just going to bury my head and make this worse.” It felt so bad to not have it anymore. I wonder what’s in that? Maybe it’s an excuse to be like, “Everything’s fucked up and it’s gone.” And it was my excuse to be like, “I’m going to drink this whiskey at 9am because look what’s happening. Everything’s fucked, so fuck it.” It was just a good excuse to not give a shit and I really didn’t.
If this is not too personal of a question, how were you able to get out of that hole you were in?
MLNY: I barely made it out. I didn’t make it out until February 1 of this year. I was sober when we were making the album but that was a good behavior. Show up, do your job, be clear headed, be present. I didn’t really do it for me, I did it for Josh and Evan. But, really, all I was done was crawling out of my skin to get out of the studio as possible. I wanted to get fucked up. I was like, “Man, we’ve got two more weeks.” I was going to get an eight ball. I was going to fuck it all up. I was not in a good place until February 1 and what got me out of it was getting really sick from not drinking. I thought I had Covid or the flu. I thought I might be dying because I was throwing up everything I ate. I had constant heartburn. I was bleeding. Everything was just off. I was bloated. Actually, in “The Knife” video, and especially in the new video we did, “Fade,” it’s hard for me to watch because I can see it in my eyes and my face. I was just so sick.
What got me out of it was getting sick and not being able to do it. Getting through that and then waking up and having a clear head after a few days and being like, “I have completely fucked over my bandmates. I have fucked myself over. And everybody in my life has been putting up with my bullshit.” It hurt. It broke me when I actually realized what I was doing to myself and to other people. That really broke something in me and I’m glad it did. It was not easy to realize that you’re kind of a piece of shit. You’re making really bad decisions. But I walked through it on February 1. I was like, “All right, I got do to this.” The first 30 days was not even about being sober. It was about my old self being like, “What the fuck?” I was at war with myself big time.
And when we were making that album, I didn’t realize it until recently, it’s an internal warfare. It’s what was coming talking to what was. It’s me in a mirror, a two-sided mirror, just figuring it out and calling myself out and being like, “I know you’re really comfortable over here but it’s time to get uncomfortable and make some positive change.” I turned that corner. I cried so fucking much. I was like, “I didn’t know it was possible to cry as much as I was crying.” I was like, “Am I just that broken? Am I going to cry every day for the rest of my life?”
I fucked up a lot of shit. It’s a little embarrassing but I pretty much almost killed myself accidentally. I got some cocaine and was playing Scrabble with my friend and my friend was like, “Dude, are you okay?” We were playing Scrabble at four in the morning, doing blow, and I’m drunk and I turn ghost white and start sweating and the room is just disappearing. I’m thinking, “You got to go.” I’m stumbling down my apartment complex parking garage and the cops are standing there and they’re like “Put your hands on the hood.” And I’m like, “Fuck.” They’re like, “What are you doing?” And I’m thinking, “Did I do all that coke or is it in my pocket?” Then I’m in the ambulance and then I’m being told I need to go to the hospital because I’m probably having a fentanyl overdose and I run out of the ambulance. All this to say, I’m blowing everything up. I’m blowing up my relationship. I’m losing my apartment. I’m getting talked to at work about how drunk and fucked up I am by other people who are drunk and fucked up. And I’m like, “Wow, I’m really blowing it.”
I ended up moving in with Josh and his girlfriend. I live with them now. It’s just temporary but they were like, “Bring your two cats. We’ll put them in the basement.” We can’t have cats upstairs so they live in the basement. They’re happy. I made a cat cave. It was my crying cave for a long time and then it became a cat cave. I did a lot of healing down there. Things got really shitty but I’m thankful that they did because I came out of that and I wouldn’t trade how real life feels right now. I can’t fight myself anymore. I’m winning all the time. In my mind, I’m like, “I know what I need to do. I know how I feel. I know what’s next. I know what I want.” I wouldn’t trade that. I didn’t know for years who I was or what the hell I wanted. I thought I did. I thought the louder you are, the more confident you are. I found out that’s not so true.
From: https://bigtakeover.com/interviews/interview-royal-thunder
